Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
