Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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