I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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