Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
