2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
