the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
