My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
