shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
