Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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