There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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