I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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