you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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