How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
