I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
They have beer where we have blood.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
