bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
