I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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