All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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