That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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