dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
