It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
