i think i have two assholes
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
