And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
