why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
