her vagina looked like bernie madoff
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
