I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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