we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
