Pants 0. Shit 1.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
