I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
