Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
