dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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