I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
