I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
