thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
