I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
whose ass print is on the piano?
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
