I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
