Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
