you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
