He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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