and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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