did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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