sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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