How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
