The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
