If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
