So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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