i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
