Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Randomize
