i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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