A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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