I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
