I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
