fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
